Limerence is often driven by a lack of information. It exists in the space of fantasy, infatuation, and imagined potential. We project what could be onto another person and remain attached to that unrealized possibility. In many cases, limerence fades once more information becomes available. Reality fills in the gaps, and the illusion collapses. Obsession, however, is different.

Obsession can persist even when illusions have been shattered. It can continue despite knowing painful truths about another person, despite incompatibility, distance, rejection, or even harm. Obsession is not cured by information alone. It is driven by something deeper and more unconscious. In obsession, there is often a sense that if we could just secure this person, the ache would stop. The yearning, the agitation, the emotional burn feels as though it could be resolved by possession, connection, or reassurance. This is why obsession can coexist with resentment, anger, or even hatred, and still remain intact.

  When we look closely at obsession, we find that it is rarely about love in the mature sense. It is about security, attachment, and ownership. It is about trying to anchor ourselves to something external that feels like the solution to an internal wound. This is why obsession can keep us trapped in unhealthy or low-vibrational relationships for long periods of time. The focus is not truly on the other person as they are, but on what we believe they represent: safety, wholeness, relief, or completion.

Healing happens in layers

Unhooking from obsession or limerence does not happen all at once. Healing occurs in layers, like peeling back layers of skin, until we reach the deepest point of yearning. At the core, this is almost always Moon and Venus territory: attachment needs, emotional security, belonging, and early relational wounds. These states dredge up unconscious material. That is why they feel irrational and overwhelming. They do not make sense because they are not operating at the level of conscious choice. As we work through these layers, the grip begins to loosen. This is how we know healing is taking place.

The cry of the inner child

At the deepest level, obsession and limerence reveal an inner child wound, a part of us that feels starving, abandoned, or incomplete. When this part is activated, we look outside ourselves for a cure. We see another person as the missing piece, the source of safety, or the answer to our ache. This is dangerous territory. Outsourcing that level of emotional responsibility to another person, especially someone who is unavailable, unreciprocal, or emotionally immature is not a safe anchor. It almost always leads to more suffering. Healing begins when we learn to give ourselves what we were trying to extract from someone else.

Wholeness ends the ache

Limerence and obsession are symptoms of fracture, not love. They arise from emotional immaturity, unmet needs, and unresolved attachment wounds. As we learn to respond to our own feelings, meet our own needs, and care for ourselves in ways we previously avoided, something remarkable happens. The ache dissipates. The longing softens. The fixation loses its charge. This is not because we “got” the other person. It is because we no longer need them to complete us. When we reach this place, we trust ourselves. We know we are a good choice. We have confidence in what we offer. And from that place, if a relationship is meant to alchemize into something real, it can only do so after this inner work is complete.

The Shame and the Confusion of Soul Ties

Many people feel deep shame around limerence and obsession, especially in the context of soul ties or twin flame narratives. These experiences often make no sense to outsiders. Being told to “just move on” or “let it go” is not helpful because these states cannot simply be switched off. They are not like ordinary relationships. In the early stages of an alchemical or karmic bond, there is often a confusing mix of chemistry, attachment, illusion, and unconscious longing. We do not yet know whether the connection is karmic or capable of transformation. Clarity only comes through the process itself.

Through, Not Around                                            

There is no quick fix for limerence or obsession. There is no bypass. The only way out is through: through understanding our abandonment wounds, fear of loss, parent complexes, and unmet emotional needs.

When we reach the end of this process, one of two things happens:

We realize the connection was karmic, meant to teach us something and prepare us for something more aligned. Or, less commonly, the bond transforms after both individuals have matured and healed.

In either case, we are grateful we did not get what we once believed would save us. Because at that stage, we can finally see that securing the other person would have meant problems on top of problems, not peace. What remains is wisdom, self-trust, and the capacity for real love-love that is not driven by need, illusion, or fear.

Are you struggling with this issue? Jewel can help you. Schedule a consultation and gain knowledge, peace and a path to personal progress. 

Watch the livestream about this topic here:

https://www.youtube.com/live/xBCXEdZHdDE?si=Jl9Boa0xIQafHj6W

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