In seeking advice or help from those in a position of authority they exacerbate the problem. They can't take advice; they have to learn how to give to and take it from themselves. They must learn to accept and use their own authority rather than running from responsibility related to the consequences resulting from their choices.
These people seek relationships where they are emotionally trapped and enslaved by career, an authority figure or even a mate. They are afraid of going up against power. They want to gain acceptance through pleasing authority figures and maintaining a pleasing image, but their image is not matching up with what they are sincerely feeling. They get into relationships that are not emotionally honest. They show themselves one way but feel another. These people don't know how to feel without the agreement of authority or superior person or public. They need to have their mind made up by others but resent it. They need to learn to become responsible for their own image. Accept the fallout that comes from owning their feelings. There is a lot of, "but I'm being made to do this or feel this or accept this." No. It's not that you are forced, it's that you cannot stomach the fear of having others see you fail as the result of your own choices. It's a fear of rejection from everyone that stems from a deep insecurity regarding what their own emotional boundaries and structure is.
It's a fear of rejection from everyone that stems from a deep insecurity regarding what their own emotional boundaries and structure is.
They spend their lives showing up as something acceptable and forget who they really are. They must contact their true desires and take responsibility for them. They have to allow the public image to reflect their true feelings. Stop pleasing and agreeing when you don't really agree. Start saying your piece regularly and up front. You must show the world how you really feel and not be afraid of rejection or humiliation or failure. These people tend to blame the authorities around them or their career or powerful spouse for keeping them stuck--but it's a lie to keep their own selves cocooned in the safety of being seen for what they want and not as they are. If they stay trapped or enslaved by career or others then they cannot fail because another or situation was keeping them from trying or continuing. They must become strong in their own decisions about their life and accept the consequences.
When they can give equal value to
their feelings they can be free.
These people want to be controlled so they don't have to take responsibility for their own emotional growth and success. They must learn how to teach others to respect them by respecting themselves. They must learn value and importance and autonomy of their own feelings. When they can give equal value to their feelings they can be free. Then they can nurture and show up as kind and supportive but also have their own self and emotional fulfillment. They must give up caring more for how they are seen and perceived then they care for how they feel.
There is fear of accepting their own authority. These people can have a public image of being kept from emotional success or oppressed by a stronger or more demanding character or career. They can act out in ways that are not honest because they feel they have to be two different people in order to please everyone. So, please the powers that be at the top and satisfy the self at he bottom. They can lead a double life or a life that known for being domestically unsatisfying or controlling.
They must give up caring more for how they are seen
and perceived then they care for how they feel.
Frank sinatra: in a catholic marriage to a woman who represented an authority figure to him. Look at the story of their marriage; he was not satisfied at home but needed to maintain the image of a married man and could not justify divorce from the power that was, the church and his authoritarian wife. Pleased the wife on paper but satisfied himself emotionally elsewhere. Could not extricate himself from her and was so enslaved by the marriage. Resentful of her but it also made him look good: he could satisfy his moon the authoritative wife showed up as the reason he "had" to have affairs.
What Our Clients Are Saying
"Your name us Jewel...because you are a GEM!!! When the student is ready...the teacher will appear. I am ETERNALLY grateful for you!"