(Humor post, people. This is humor.)
Those with Eros in Aries are fired up over the chase. If you can find someone will ignore you, this will stimulate your sexual appetite to no end. They want to know that they are so devastatingly sexy that even someone who basically thinks they were gross cannot really resist their charms. Turned on by proving their own attractiveness to themselves. This Eros is frequently found at rodeos or other dangerous sporting events where the crotch of someone's jeans may suddenly split. Wants to do the run away bride while she runs away.
People with Taurus Eros are into SEX. This is the home sign of Eros and these people really do him justice. Known to moan and groan at the slightest touch, people with this Eros are sensuality junkies and need to develop a side of emotion to go with that 13th orgasm they had that morning. This Eros does not do well without regular action and has been known to solicit the local masseuse if it has been a slow week. Touching is necessary for living. These people will actually sit around and massage themselves, play with their hair, scratch the sensitive insides of their arms, such is the lust for physical stimulation. Probably need to date one of those spinning brush things at the car wash. That thing MIGHT provide enough action.
Eros in Gemini people are the dirtiest thinkers among us. These people love dirty talk and are the sexting superstars among us. Turned on by intrigue and weirdness. This Eros wants to hear your passion. Not the most monogamous Eros and can have fantasies of gender bending encounters. The personals listings on Craig's list would be empty if not for Gemini Eros. Known to love NOISE. If you lick their ears they will marry you.
Eros in Cancer is turned on by a parent figure. Yes, that is super sexy. I know. These people are known to hook up with an ancient partner with a big...age difference. Domesticity and sexuality are merged here. The men with this Eros are known to crave ENORMOUS breasts. If you cook this Eros a meal in nothing but a tiny apron they will marry you. Actually, you don't even have to cook, just say you will and then brandish an adult diaper. Large ring a'comin'! The Anna Nicole Smith Eros.
Eros in Leo is turned on by themselves. These people put a spider monkey to shame with their amount of self lovin'. Known to stay home on weekend night to sleep on a full length mirror. This Eros likes to watch your hands as you touch them. Stimulated by fun, and risk taking and drama, people with this Eros make up pretty much the whole population of Daytona Beach.
Eros in Virgo is super picky about who they are turned on by. Known to wipe dates with the white glove before kissing - just to be sure. Love making in the shower is particularly attractive. These people associate service with sex and if you complain about anything they do to you...they will do it longer and harder and better :) if you are involved with a man with this Eros, get yo'self a French maid outfit, an enema, start dusting and watch him go bonkers. Oh ya, and don't forget the sheet with the hole cut in it.
Eros in Libra is a bit of a bitch. This Eros wants perfection and to know that they are your only one. The men with this placement are turned on June Cleaver and often struggle with a Madonna/Whore complex. They are attracted to the whore but try to make her into a Madonna. Eros Libra gets hot if you talk commitment. Known to be turned on by the thought of marriage. The anti Aries Eros. This Eros is never alone and will propose to a reasonably classy tree if it has a twig small enough to accept a ring.
Eros in Scorpio is just nasty. This Eros is turned on by just about anything...although they aren't going to tell you that. Sexuality is kept close to the vest and if they even let you know they are into you before they start to do you, you are lucky. This Eros is not afraid to explore the sticky side of sex and bathing is optional. Known to be turned on by monogamy and the thought of keeping you tied while the maid cleans the room. Eros in Scorpio is single minded in its affections and unless they look elsewhere for a sexual partner, you are just going to have to learn to untie yourself.
Eros in Sagittarius is about speed!!!! This Eros is turned on by action and energy. Motion actually gets this Eros horny and if you let them do you while they drive your sports car they might fleetingly think of marrying you. They will be doing you while driving YOUR sports car because theirs will have been impounded. These people do not waste time in the area of hookin' up, either. If you are not ready to race to the bedroom after the dinner check has been picked up on that first date than you are BORING and a prude and they will speed off to the next speedway. Flirtatious in the EXTREME and eternally young in expectation, Sagittarius Eros is really only about 13 years old. Known to grow genitals in their palms so they can literally do you as soon as you shake hands. About as monogamous as a cat
Eros in Capricorn is a sexual snob. Only interested in the best they can find, they keep their sexuality on the back burner until they see someone equally boring. Their juices don't get flowin' until they find out you are either a virgin or own stock in Virgin airlines. Known to become extremely aroused by their lover picking up the tab. This Eros needs to mate with Virgo Eros. An entire race of rational thinkers would be born. This will probably not happen however, as this Eros typically remains a virgin until well into their seventies
Eros in Aquarius is experimental! This Eros is about sex being inventive and bizarre. Known to be turned on by robots, adult toys, and West Hollywood. This Eros is up for anything and if you have the small hands of a Carnie and the eyes of an Anime character, they will marry you. Aquarius Eros loves the idea of the strangely erotic and if their partner displays even an ounce of prudishness, they will take their butter and go.
Eros in Pisces is turned on by romance. Sickening in their normalcy, this Eros is just a sucky baby who wants to be swept away in the sweet bliss of love infused sex. This Eros ends up sorely disappointed most of the time when they realize that after you have done someone 30-50 times, there ain't no mystery left. Known to go off into a fantasy world during sex, they must connect with something greater than the boring ass reality that they are in and most often end up imagining themselves with Robert DeNiro in his 30's. This Eros is only interested in displaying their sexuality in the confines of perfection and will avoid sex all together if it does not match up to what it should be. Consequently, the mostly celibate Eros.
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