Mars/Neptune aspects show how ego and effort and fantasies and dreams combine between people and how you go after your combined dreams as a singular entity. Mars and Neptune are not compatible planets because of how they are totally opposite in nature. One is about action and one is about inaction. One is about confrontation and one is about avoidance and escapism. We typically see some sort of weakening effect when we see either Mars or the Sun in hard aspect to Neptune in both synastry and composite charts.
With this conjunction we are seeing a close blending of the passive and aggressive qualities of two people. The hidden and mysterious and the up front and action oriented. As a result, we typically see an easy sharing of fantasies, especially sexual fantasies and a huge amount of attraction. You both see each other as the embodiment of your sexual fantasies. The sexual component of the relationship will be very important and a useful tool for creating real intimacy because of the way we feel safe in sharing Mars fantasies. We tend to admit what we want with this conjunction and it contributes to an atmosphere where we can safely reveal. We can do the in- to- me- see part of intimacy. This is real connection; When we feel safe enough to admit the truth about ourself. This is a big plus to having this aspect IF we are working with it well.
We tend to start out with what I just described and then as we get used to each other and the mundane creeps into the relationship, we tend to see this aspect creating weakness in both partners. One can become totally reliant on the other in some cases.
Martyr behavior is really common with hard mars/ Neptune aspects and this conjunction can signal that guilt is being used heavily to control the relationship. We can say and do things that negate each others self esteem and we can end up feeling ashamed or like our worth has been rubbed out.
Using tactics that underhandedly rob each other of self esteem is really common. Mostly guilt is used. We are trying to make ourselves feel better by putting the other down. Very little positive reinforcement of each other leads to an understanding between both that they must not be very highly valued.
We can say things disguised as direction or conversation that are meant to wound the other and consequently get them to do what we want. Also, because we are generally so open with each other in the beginning of the relationship, we have a lot of dirt that we can use against each other later.
You must learn to function from a place of love and selflessness, rather than trying to get the other to reinforce you by not reinforcing them. You have to let go of your egos, not suppress or deny them, this is the symptom of martyr tactics. That is, using your "goodness" to show the other how much better and more sacrificial you are. You have to stop responding to this. When the one sacrifices something and claims they did it to make you happy you need to respond with "well, sucks to be you. I didn't ask you to do that. I'm going upstairs to watch some news." If you don't let them suck you in by needing to prove yourself then you can break this Cycle. The trick is to not need the other to see you any which way. Allow them to perceive you in whatever flawed way they will. If you give in to them then the relationship will be damaged anyway. It's best to start taking responsibility for your own egos instead of laying this game of "I can be better than you. Look how much I give and sacrifice. Now you have to give me what I want so I will make you feel good because I am so good and actually it turns out I'm better than you."
We can't try to make ourselves better at the others expense. It destroys both of our self esteem because we end up feeling bad about ourselves for doing it. Recognize when you are choosing to suffer because it causes the other partner to respond to you as you would like and stop doing it.
This aspect will make you mindful of your penchant to use guilt as a weapon in the world. If you can use restraint when it comes to employing guilt in all forms then you can get the best out of this aspect.
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